youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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