I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
