im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
