I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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