if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
