Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
