If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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