We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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