I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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