is your mom at the bar?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
