Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My liver just broke up with me...
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize