a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
the liver wants what the liver wants
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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