were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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