I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
