Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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