Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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