8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
