Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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