i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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