at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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