I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
