my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
