He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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