Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think my vagina is haunted
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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