we have pet lesbian snakes
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
