smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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