your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
