we have officially lost it.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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