My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
