I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
