This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
