Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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