Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
