I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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