I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
