:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
