You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Blood and glitter go together right?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
