Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
