I faked an abortion last night.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
what day is it and did you see me today?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
