Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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