Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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