Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
