Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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