you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
