Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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