I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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