just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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