Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
