dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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