Your mouth is God's brothel.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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