You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize