My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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