No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
