Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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