So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Terrible idea I love it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
