I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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