I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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