Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
