"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
her vagine was all disorganized.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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