i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
