and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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