youre lurking in front of me
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
