Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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