i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
