One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
