I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sext me about skeletons
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
