Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
