I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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