We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
