By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
