Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
