Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
