Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
