Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
