Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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